


By the Windowsill - Remnants of Mirage

by Riyusama



Category: Jrock, SCREW (Band), Visual Kei - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 12:21:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7684330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riyusama/pseuds/Riyusama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I still remember everything that happened. From the first day we met, down to all the little things you do. Every little thing that can make you happy or sad. I still remember the way you laugh and how when you smile your eyes look as if they're closed and I sometimes have to wonder if you can see me or not.</p><p>Do you still remember all those little things? Because, I remember everything that I love about you.</p><p>PS: Happy birthday Kazuki <3</p><p>09/27/16 edit - Original title was Remnants of Mirage and just now bleh, wanted to kinda change it lol</p>
            </blockquote>





	By the Windowsill - Remnants of Mirage

**Author's Note:**

> Wewz, tbh when doing little fics like prompt-drabble ones that I'm in a hurry to finish (cuz this took me like only one day to do) I realized that I now mostly write it in first person?
> 
> It's been YEARS sicne I've written like this and tbh, I'm kinda proud ouo
> 
> Otanjoubi Omedetou Kazuki <3 
> 
> This fanfic is un-beta so I hope you guys don't mind ;w; I skimmed it once to see for any errors but obviously, that ain't enough to fix'em all lol
> 
> Enjoy you guys <3

“Kazuki.” I hear him call out to me. “Kazuki, wake up!” There was a playful tone in his voice as he laughs. I feel him pushing on my shoulder and I couldn’t help but, smile.

It’s been 3 years of us being together. It was me who initiated everything, we started out as friends but I already had a crush on him the first time we met. Our relationship bloomed out slowly, us getting closer and closer with each passing day. And when I fully realized that I had fallen in love with him, I gave him chocolates -just to find out that he loved spicy food better-, I gave him flowers even then, we went shopping for art supplies and guitars more often than, not.

Although, it was 75% of the time of us just window shopping and hanging out.

I don’t regret a single day I spent with him.

Our first kiss was at the museum. He had invited me over to an art show that he had organized with a couple of his friends. Some of his works were featured there; he had been rather insecure of his works.

“Do you think they look alright?” He asked clearly nervous.

“Of course! They look amazing Jin!” I complimented him, taking in all the paintings and digital art work he had featured in the place. “Stop acting all humble.” I grinned at him.

Yet, the look on his face. His flushed look with down cast eyes. I knew for a fact that he really was insecure of his work. I saw him fumble with his fingers, biting onto his lower lip. I couldn’t stand to watch feel that way about himself, I didn’t like the fact that he had thought all of his beautiful art weren’t worthy enough for the art show.

It was a spur of a moment. I hadn’t planned to do it at all, but it was like everything in my body was telling me to do it. My mind hadn’t conjured in up yet, I moved automatically. One hand took a hold of his cheek as I leaned in forward to place a quick and chaste kiss on his lips.

Nothing but a mere second of our lips touching; that was all it was. Yet, we both stared at each other. It was as though the answer had been unfolded in front of us.

That’s how we started out together, never leaving each other’s side at the show. I remember those sweet sweet words you uttered after our kiss. I was the first one to say my feelings, first to say those three little words.

“I love you too.” You replied back and I couldn’t wide the grin off of my lips the entire day.

We kissed by your Cavalcade art; nearly all of your works were sold after that. But, you didn’t sell that one. No, we hanged it together in our new home afterwards. It’s placed in our living room, where we can always see it and be reminded of how we came together.

I also remembered the first time we made love to each other. It was only after one week of us being officially together. We were hanging out by your old apartment that time. I had an early off from work that day because my patients down at the clinic didn’t come by. I decided to come by to your place for a movie night since, it was Sunday on the next day anyways.

We were watching a TV series called Mr. Brain, and I explained all the details and medical jargons that you couldn’t understand. At that time, I couldn’t help but think that you were the most beautiful person in the world. I love the way you smiled, every little laugh you made whenever there was a funny moment in the show. I couldn’t help but watch you instead.

At the same, I couldn’t resist kissing you.

You kissed me back, so sweetly, so innocently. But, I was the one who wanted more. I deepened my kiss; kissed you hungrily, _passionately_. You moaned into my mouth as your hands traveled up to my neck. Your fingers played with my hair and it felt so nice, your hands against me felt so nice that I couldn’t help but, feel hotter under your touch.

The show was ignored, and later on I hastily turned the TV off as you lead us both to your room. It was a blurry haze afterwards, I remembered kissing you, taking off both of our clothes and then, we made it to your room.

The way you laid down on your bed, all flushed, panting, and wanton. It was so lewd, so erotic. You looked so exquisite under me. I burned that image of you into my head so that I could never forget. I never want to forget how that night.

I could still imagine how our skins touched, the warmth from each other was intoxicating, every time we grinded our hips against one another. How you pulled up, sat up then, rode me. The sight of you, covered in sweat and trembling on top of me, how you moaned and begged for more. God, just thinking about makes me shiver in delight.

I could still feel how you gripped hard onto my arms, how I felt your nails digging down to my skin to mark me with crescent shapes. But, I didn’t care of the pain it gave, actually it aroused me even more. Made the experience feel hotter, made me want to have more of you.

I could never get enough of you Jin.

When you arched back and moaned, the pleasure too much and I could hear you saying my name repeatedly. “Kazuki... Kazuki...” You called out and I wish I could’ve recorded it, you looked so stunning when you were in a bliss full of pleasure and moaning out my name.

I grabbed a handful of your blond hair, making you turn to look at me. I kissed you hard again, our tongues intertwining with one another. I bit on your lower lip. One of my hands traveled down between our stomachs; I grabbed a hold of your throbbing, leaking length and you shook violently on top of me.

My lips were only a couple of inches away from yours and we stared into each other’s eyes. “Cum for me Jin.” I murmured, my breath ghosting against your lips.

You closed your eyes. I felt you thrust down hard and then, you came. The sight was too much for me to bear, you looked too beautiful for words to describe. I came right after you did, feeling your insides tighten around my own length.

After we made love, we both couldn’t help but laugh and hold one another at each other’s arms. I wanted to get up at that time and get some clean towels or tissues but, you protested. You said you wanted me to stay, wanted us both to fall asleep like this, that you were too tired and that you only wanted to sleep.

I did what you requested that night, then in the morning we took a long shower together.

I wish our days could’ve stayed like that forever.

It was on our second year together when I noticed something was changing with you. Usually, I expected myself to be the one home later than, usual. Given my line of work and sometimes, I was needed late at night in the clinic I worked at. But, sometimes you didn’t come home for days.

There was one time you were even out for two weeks.

We started to fight a lot after this; we barely even got to see each other anymore because of our busy schedules.

Tell me Jin, did I do something wrong?

At these times, i was only glad that I had my bestfriend Byou to open my feelings to. Of course, I could go to other psychologists rather than my own friend but, like I said. Like you, I was busy with work as well. And Byou was always there for me.

He said that we were both just stressed out with work, that were a little too preoccupied with other things. Byou said that sooner or later, we can get through this.

I really believed him. I tried so hard to believe him.

But, my anger was getting the best of me.

And when that happened, I couldn’t control myself anymore. We were fighting about the same thing as usual. I was pissed off because you were hanging out with that new friend of yours Manabu. Recently, you’ve been talking to him a lot. I even heard you take late night calls in secret just to talk to him.

Jin, are we really falling apart like this? Am I not enough for you anymore?

I slapped you on the cheek at that fight of ours. I didn’t know what came over me but, it was the first time ever that I had done it. The first I had ever laid a hand at you that wasn’t loving in any way at all. The first time I had ever touched you to hurt you. Your eyes widened and a second later, tears came streaming down your face.

Never in my life had I ever felt so guilty.

That night, we called a truce. I held you in my arms and you cried on my chest. We still slept together in the same bed, and I held you close to me. But, that night I felt you tremble at my touch and I could still hear the sniffles you so desperately tried to cover up that night.

I’m sorry Jin. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you.

After that fight, everything just kept on going downhill. We tried t be happy for each other but, there was something that was between us. And that was, until one day I found files that you were keeping in one of your drawers.

It was a job promotion. How come you never told me about this? Is it because the promotion was saying that you were going to be relocated to Europe? Or maybe it was because the name next to it was that you and Manabu were going to do a project together that would take a least 2 years to finish?

I cried when I saw those papers.

Do you know how much you hurt me? Why do you keep these things from me?

I was becoming more curious than, ever. I started to rummage around our house, finding anything that would lead to answers.

And that’s when I saw in your closet, a small box. I knew it wasn’t any ordinary box because it was a box where you placed engagement rings in. I couldn’t stand looking at it so, I placed it back where I found it.

I hope you never find out that I found your box.

A couple of days later you call me at my phone. I was at lunch break that time and I was happy because you decided to remember me on this day.

“Kazuki!” You called out to me in pure glee. “Are you doing anything tonight? Let’s have dinner out!” You explain and I was pretty shocked. You rarely liked going out, you’re more of a homebody person. It was always me who had to drag you out.

Is this finally it? Are you finally going to end it?

I could feel throat run dry and feel something block my words. But, I struggled to reply back, faking a happy tone of voice. “Sure, I’ll see you at 9.”

We meet by this fancy restaurant that you had booked. Since when did you book it? Since when had you been planning this?

I feel myself tremble with nervousness, feeling jittery all over.

When I arrived you were already waiting by your seat. I could see that you were feeling nervous as well. You were always fidgeting with your fingers whenever you were nervous.

We ate in silence at that time, none of us saying a word until you broke it. “Kazu. I know it’s been hard on us lately.” You started and I could feel my heart beating a mile per minute. This is it, it’s finally happening.

You’re finally going to leave me.

I keep my eyes glued to my food. I haven’t touched it much, I barely even had the appetite to eat in the first place.

You stood up from your seat and this time, I couldn’t help but let my gaze follow you. You came to my side then, kneeled down.

Is this? No, it can’t be.

“And we’ve been fighting a lot and I know I haven’t been a good boyfriend at all.” You continued off, looking up at me as you help my hand.

“Jin, what are you trying to say here?”

You take in a deep breath at first. “What I’m trying to say is.” You continued off as you reached behind you and took out the box I found in your closet a couple of days ago. “Maybe, we need to take things up further a notch?” You said as you opened the box and I saw the engagement ring.

“I know, I know. It’s lame but, will you marry me?” Jin inquired.

At this time, I couldn’t help the tears that were escaping my eyes. Was this your plan all along? Did you still really love me? You’re not leaving? Are you really choosing me?

I couldn’t answer you properly I was happy beyond words.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” The blond asked.

I looked up to you and I could see that you were worried. I’m just so fucking happy that you still love me but,

“What about Europe?” I inquired weakly.

Your eyes widened then, you sighed. “You get way a head of yourself do you?” You said and chuckled. “But first... Will you marry me Kazuki?”

I nodded, biting onto my lower lip as I couldn’t help but feel happy still. Even though there were numerous questions buzzing around in my head, this feelings takes over all of them. You placed the ring in my finger then, kissed my hand before retreating back to your seat.

“So, Europe.” Jin started, clearing his throat first. “I’m not going.” I was going to retort back that it was his job and that he should but, Jin held up one hand to let me know to let him finish first. “I was never going to accept it. But, Manabu kept on persisting with it. I took the papers just to shut him up but, I’m still declining it.”

I could feel my chest lighten with every word he said.

“Also, I can’t leave when I’m engaged.” You say with a grin and I couldn’t help but, laugh. “Besides, I asked Byou to help out. He got us a colleague of his to work out our problems before we get married.” Jin took my hand and he intertwined our fingers together. “I know I’ve been a wreck recently but, I wanna make things right.”

That night, I couldn’t stop crying.

And now, I’m waiting by the window of our home. Jin promised to be home earlier now. We had a loads of planning and arrangements to do before our wedding. Everything has to be perfect.

“Kazuki.” I heard someone call out to me. I turn around and see Byou.

“Hey Byou, what’s up?” I replied back, looking towards the window again. Jin could come home any moment now.

“Kazuki, we need to talk.”

As much as I wanted to stay and wait for Jin, there was an urgency in his voice. Also, it was laced with worry. I wonder what’s bothering him?

I followed him and we came to a room. “Oh, did you redecorate your house Byou? I have to say, it’s horrible.” I joked, laughing as I sat down at one of the seats.

“How are you feeling Kazuki?” He asks and I really wonder if I should be the one asking him that.

“I’m fine. I’m waiting for Jin.” I reply back and I could hear him sigh.

What’s wrong?

“When did you last see Jin?” Byou inquires and I have to arch my brow at his questions.

“Last night. I texted you last night right? He proposed to me and he said he’s going to be home early today.” I answered back, feeling rather weirded out with his questions.

“I see.” Byou said as he intertwined his fingers together, covering half of his face as he placed those hands in front of him. “What time did he say he was coming back?”

I shrug. Jin didn’t say what time exactly but, he did promise to be home early. “I don’t know. He just said he’ll be home early. Can I go now? I wanna greet Jin when he comes back!”

Byou smiled sadly at me. “Yeah sure, you can go.”

I arch up one brow at him before I stood up from my seat then, went to the door. But, before I could reach it, the door had opened. I didn’t know who this guy was but he smiled at me and called my name. I didn’t want to be rude so, I smiled back and left the room. I need to get back to the window. Jin might come home any time soon.

“How’s he doing Byou? Any progress?” Rui asks the other.

“None at all.” Byou replies back with a sigh. “He still thinks Jin is alive.”

“It’s been two years now. He still can’t remember?” Rui says as he writes it down on the clipboard he’s holding. “The chances of him remembering are becoming slimmer. He might never recover from this.”

“I know.” Byou answers, looking to his assistant. “I just don’t know which one is harder. Having to remember the accident or having him wait for someone who’s already dead.”

“He’s been staring out at the window since the first time he came here. We can’t leave him like that Byou.” Rui suffices.

“I know.” Byou sighs again. “I just wish Jin never came home early that day.”

Two years ago, the day after Jin had proposed to Kazuki. The blond had been hurrying home to his fiance. He wanted to make things right, wanted to make up all his loses and fix everything with Kazuki.

That day that he came home, Kazuki had been waiting by their window. Kazuki had come out once Jin’s car parked in front of their house. Yet, the moment his car was parked, their neighbor whose car suddenly malfunctioned crashed with Jin’s. It was the breaks that weren’t working and their car collided with the blond’s. Kazuki had been there to see it all, right from the moment the other car swerved and hit Jin’s, down to where Kazuki had to hold Jin’s lifeless body in his arms. 


End file.
